I do.

You pick this dandelion that is white and fluffy with seeds and try to be really careful not to let the wind cause any part of your masterpiece to disappear.

The thrill of being the breath that will losen, release the seeds to fly away with the wind made me a fast runner.  I won! 

Gently, pulling it from it’s warm bed, I would bring it to my mouth, enhale a deep breath and softly blow till the puffy white was all gone.

Where do the seeds fly to? It never entered my mind.

Something happened with the finality of my ‘Angel Girl’ dying last week.  It was and still is hard to grasp that at 1:26 a.m. she was no longer with us.  As my daughter said, “She exhaled”. Her last breath became part of the air I breathed.  What is left of her?  Pictures, a grave to visit daily, memories in my mind and that my family shares. She didn’t have puppies.  Nothing from her physically, viewed, lived on.  Just a hole in our hearts.

Your life… 

What will live on when it’s time for you to exhale?  Will there be memories that seem to fade with time or pictures that one day someone will ask, “Who is that?” and no one will be able to express in detail what you were like, your passions, your likes and dislikes?

Do you live your days to just get by and make sure your family is provided for? BUT nothing to stamp your seal on? Your children, if it’s His will you have any, will carry your personalities, memories, mannerisms but what will be your thoughts, words left behind?

Do you do things that pay it forward? Your kind words, random acts of kindness that make someone’s day brighter and in turn they touch someone searching for something, needing their day brightened.

Like a dandelion seeds that have been scattered on the wind, we scatter.  The seeds land and a beautiful flower blooms and becomes a field of colors.

Where you are at, can you bloom? 

Yes, you can.  There is no better time than the present to claim your stake in how you will be remembered and not just exhale, being air someone else is breathing in.

What are ways you can make sure you are remembered and that your life wasn’t just another, forgotten?

I’m making my life be remembered by sharing my thoughts, my ideas, my life with others. My singing is on a CD. I wrote a song about my childhood, “Who Would’ve Known” and put it on my site, sung by another. My thoughts are on blogs, papers, journals, letters, cards.  My voice is inside a build-a-bear, inside a picture frame.  I have already written a letter and sealed it, to my children, that explains my choices in this life.  I don’t want them guessing or assuming.  I am not ashamed. My choices will help them make better ones because they will see what my choices got me, whether it be heartache or no ache.

Share your ideas with me below.  I would love more ways that my life will be remembered.  Wouldn’t you?

To see more ideas, please click here and they will be emailed to you when published!

Today is the 3rd day since my Angel Girl passed away from old age. I woke up this morning and I didn’t cry like I did the past couple of days.  I got up and looked down at the foot of my bed, like I always did before, expecting to see her sleeping there or snoring but once again, the daily realization of her really being gone set in. As I made the walk to the kitchen, no footsteps followed me.  It was a lonely walk to the coffee pot.  As I made my way to the pantry to get the coffee grinds, she wasn’t there to receive her two bone treats I always gave. We had a system, a morning routine.  I enjoyed my friend, my other “child”.  Mornings are my time alone.  I always get up early and enjoy the quietness.  She would always enjoy it with me.  Now I am alone.  I guess this is one of the steps of grieving, feeling alone.

My children and even our other pets are all taking it pretty hard. If you didn’t know it, animals grieve also. I have to clean the eyes of our dogs and they have long, wet trails down their faces. Angel Girl taught them well. I believe she taught the biggest and loudest of our dogs how to take over before she passed.  It’s something to see her sitting on the same rug, like she has now taken the place of protector. We were all kind of shocked to see her sitting there. Taffy will also go rub yourself in the carpet where Angel laid, maybe to put her scent there. Who knows?

Last night I sat with my children and talked about death. One felt guilty because she laughed that day.  The other felt guilty because she wasn’t mourning like the others.  My oldest put her feelings on paper.  Like me, she knows how to write her feelings down. I told her that I would share it with others, if she didn’t mind.  She gave a small smile and said she would love that.  So, here is my daughter’s way of healing the death of her “Angie Baby”.

On the wings of my Angel

by Erikka Agnew

On the wings of my Angel…

On the wings of my Angel…

On the wings of my “Guardian Angel”

***********************************************

My Angel

By Erikka Agnew

My Angel…

My Angel…

My Angel…

My Angel…

Tears in my eyes

By Erikka Agnew

Tears in my eyes…

Tears in my eyes…

Tears in my eyes…

Tears in my eyes.

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A little collage of our Angel.

There once was  a man who wanted a dog.  He married the girl of his dreams, that’s me, and always wanted his very own Chow Chow.  This girl was afraid of big dogs and didn’t want to have one but sacrificed her fear for the love of her man.

We had been married 5 years and had 2 children.  Erikka was 3 and Nick was a month old.  I was nervous about having a big animal around my babies.  I was bit once in the face and that stayed with me.  We were in Texas at the time, stationed at Ft. Hood and decided to go look at some puppies that were about 6 weeks old.  When we got there we saw the parents who were registered with AKC, Dad was King Ace and Mom was Queen Blackfoot, so we picked our puppy and named her Princess Angelica Agnew.  We had the name before the Rugrats even entered our home.

So, our Angel came home with us at 8 weeks and grew into the most wonderful pet we could ever, EVER ask for.  God blessed us with our Angel.  She has gone with us from Texas to Germany to Alabama and now as we have settled in Clarksville.

Our beloved pet taught our other “rescued” animals well.  She will live on in each of them.  We will miss her barking to go to the bathroom and then barking to let her in. We were always complimented how our animals were like humans. When ever Art would go TDY or even just to work, when he was not even pulling in to the driveway I knew he was home.  Angel would whine for her Daddy.  As soon as Art would walk through the door, the man and his dog would hug. She would bring herself to his level, standing on her hind legs and her paws on his chest like she was giving him a hug. It was really special to the both of them, especially when Art would come back from deployments.  Angel would chase Art around the house, yard and nip his calves.  He has the scares still of her friendly bites. I was told that she would do the same whining for me but she never jumped up on me.  That was her special hug for Art.

The kids, our children, loved her so much. Angel has been there for Nick and Debbie before they could remember anything else. Erikka remembers getting Angel. When they were little she would let them ride her, lay on her, take her for walks or really taking us on walks.  In Germany she experienced the snow and loved it.  She also had the experience of meeting a porcupine. She tried to bite it and it attached itself to her face. That was a site! She was able to shake her off.  When we moved into our current home, we didn’t have a fence yet and she saw some geese and ran straight for the water, not knowing it was going to be deep.  She jumped in and boy, she stunk to high heaven.  We had to shave all her hair off.  It was awful! But great memories.

We never were able to travel to places that much because we didn’t want to leave her alone.  We saw how she acted when we would leave just to go to work. She would mourn us and now we are mourning her.

It all came so sudden for us but looking back the signs were there.  2 weeks ago she started to limp a little and I just thought she was having a hard time walking on the hardwood floor with her nails not being able to grip.  She stopped passing that horrendous gas which might be something considering that the movie “Marley & Me” showed Marley having the same problem.  She tried to keep up, she didn’t use the bathroom as much and she was living on dog bones.

I had some people over on Saturday night and they all commented on her, wondering how old she was. I was so proud to say she was fixing to be 16 in June.  Later that night she was down.  We were able to get her up to go to the bathroom and then she came and laid where she always did, on my side of the bed, on the floor at my feet.  We woke up sunday around 5:30 hearing her snore up a storm.  She never snored like that and Art made a comment that even his dog snored.  I got up and started a day of rest.  It had been so busy lately, I just wanted to rest.  Around 12:30 p.m. I walked into my bedroom to put something away and noticed she was in the same spot with her eyes open.  I knew something wasn’t right. I tried to lift her head, even brought a bone in and she wouldn’t go for it.  When I lifted her head, she couldn’t even hold it up.

We made her comfortable and took her outside to get some fresh air. We made a picnic around her, fed her honey ham and the only way she could drink water was through a syringe.   We helped her stand and she made her last round in the back to use the bathroom.  It was something because even on her death bed she marked her territory 3 times around the yard. When she did I felt she was trying to leave something for the other dogs behind.  She knew…

We brought her inside and made a place for her at the same area she always slept. Her breathing was getting labored but she wasn’t showing signs of pain.  No whimpering or whining. Her eyes just showed love for us.  We took turns keeping her company by laying with her and stroking her.  As I type this, I just can’t believe my Angel girl is gone.

10 p.m. it was time for bed.  The kids made a pallet in our bedroom to be with her. We knew as soon as she closed her eyes to sleep she would go.  Erikka held her paw while she fell asleep and at 1:26 a.m. Erikka felt a jump and that is when Angel slipped into heaven to be with her family.  We had a family burial at 2 this morning and said our very sad goodbyes.

This post is my way of expressing my grief, to share my pain of losing a beloved, faithful and loyal pet of 15 years and 8 months.  We didn’t ever think she would leave us, she was such a part of us.  We looked at her like another child, not an animal.

In honor and memory of her, Angel, this is for you.  You are already missed beyond anything we could ever draw up from the depth of our being. God help us all in the days to come and beyond as we try and cope with this loss.

I love you Angel…..