Last Train to Clarksville

Big Bad Boss Syndrome

So you had a bad day! As you drive home you notice that your taken deep breaths a lot and sighing.  You decide when you get home you are going to have a big glass of red wine or maybe you’re a beer person and want a couple of beers. You can understand how people become alcoholics, no pun intended!

Maybe you just want to close yourself off to the world and have a long bubble bath.  No matter what it is that you decide to do to calm your nerves, the one thing that remains a fact is that you are stressing out because of your boss!

I decided to write about this subject because it is something that doesn’t seem to be addressed that often.  I never knew that sites existed to help those who have the big bad boss syndrome.  Not until my friend called me and told me to check out a site that shows we aren’t alone!

It all started when my friend flew into Nashville to visit. More like a sabbatical from a stressful job! As soon as she saw me, it was as if the flood gates opened and all the stress she had been feeling came pouring out like a waterfall.  Her hair is falling out from the stress!  It’s amazing what stress can do to your body.

What do you do when you have a boss that is overbearing, that yells in your face, maybe doesn’t have tact and uses you as an example to everyone in hearing shot? Do you bite your tongue, keeping your thoughts to yourself?  Are you worried that if you stand up for yourself you will be fired? I mean, there are a lot of people out there currently looking for a job.  These bosses know that and some use it to get what they want, to manipulate their employees.  I mean, what are you going to do, quit?  They would probably laugh and say, “Quit. I have 50 applicants ready to fill your position.”

Still it doesn’t give anyone, any right to treat you like you are an animal.  Some questions you might ask yourself is:

• How much longer will you take it?

• Do you open your mouth and say something?

• How far will you allow them to go with their treatment?

• What rights do you have as an employee?

• If you are independent and working under an umbrella company, what options do you have?

First, let’s define the different types of bosses you might have worked with or are working with.

The Passive-Aggressive Boss

For the Passive-Aggressive, days are lived under a negative cloud.

• They seem friendly, mild, and easygoing at first, then annoying and the negativity comes out! Watch out for this one.  Some signs of passive-aggressiveness is:

Jealousy -

• Do you ever catch your boss looking at you under her/his eyes? Do you catch them looking at another co-worker a certain way? What they do to others, they will do towards you eventually.

Reserved, pessimistic, and ill-tempered -

• You just can’t seem to get close to your boss to have a normal conversation.  They keep their distance.

Sulky, resentful, and sour (this may be hidden) -

• They walk around looking down and won’t laugh with you.  If you tell the funniest joke, they will look at you like you are crazy.

Expects the worst -

• Always saying what you should have done once you have already done what you felt was the right move.  Even before you get the results.

Behaves in indirect ways -

• Instead of coming up and telling you what needs to be done, they will come around and sit, waiting to see if you do it or not. Then they will tell you why you should have done it this way.  It is very confusing to the employee.  You walk away thinking, “She is crazy!” or, “Is she on drugs?”

Dislikes anyone having power of him/her -

• Watch out! If your boss thinks that you are getting one ahead of them, she will bring you down and bring you down fast!

They are attracted to tough, controlling partners because that satisfies the passivity, but their aggression eventually emerges against partners or anyone else who has thwarted them. So, be careful with this boss!

The Manipulator Boss

This person seeks control through domination of others and usually uses charm to achieve her ends.  Hhmmm, why did I say “her”?  Well, the woman tends to be a little bit better at manipulation.  Women, you know it is true!  We manipulate to get what we want whether it be getting the outfit, buying the jewelry, etc…  The first manipulator was Eve!  Come on; take a bite of the fruit. We will see everything!

Some signs of the boss who is a manipulator are:

Do you have a gut feeling about something? This boss can make you doubt your gut instinct that you are being taken advantage of. -

• Oh, they are smart.  They watch your facial looks when you are told it needs to be a certain way.  They are on top of it.  Seek you out and talk to you in indirect ways, almost to the point of manipulation too. Anyone who can change your mind and cause you ignore your gut or doubt yourself is dangerous.

They take advantage of vulnerabilities of others -

• Your boss overheard you say that your husband would be out of town this weekend. So, who will get the call when someone, just so happens, can’t come in? You have nothing going on this weekend, your spouse is gone!

They look for people to deceive and manipulate -

• They listen to everything and if they can’t hear it, believe me they have people who hear it for them and report back.

Is terrified of failure -

• Odd but someone who seems to be in so much control, no matter how they get the control, wants others to think they got it together!  Failure would cause them to lose the pedestal height they have put themselves on.

Denies responsibility for actions, blames others -

• Have you heard this before: “Where is the schedule?” “Ummm, don’t you remember you said you would do it from now on?”  Well, you reminded her and guess what? You are now on her poop list!  She will ignore you, making you feel confused and wondering if this person is in the right frame of mind or not.  More than likely, not!

Expects others to be selfish and manipulative -

• Have you been called to the office and asked why you didn’t do something that went against your morals and ethics?  Well, you are being expected to do these things and watch out because this boss will try to manipulate you to do it, causing you to ignore that gut feeling!

I personally have been around this type of boss.  Being around this person would make me say things that weren’t me. I started becoming someone I said I never wanted to be.  So, as soon as I recognized this, I stepped back and got a grip on what I was doing and saying.  This person wants to control people and situations, whether it is done under the way of charm, sweetness, dependency, or more aggressive deceptions.  They see you as a pawn, an object to be used. Be careful because it happens so subtle and whammm, your friends don’t call you or recognize you anymore.

The Bossy Boss

They want to be in the limelight, whether at home, work, or play.  They want their own way. Having an aggressive energy they tend to gravitate toward careers that allow dominance but can become abusive.

Some signs of this bossy boss are:

Good at coercion -

• Very sneaky and will steal from you.

Tunes in to the weaknesses of others, then uses that knowledge -

• How bad is that?  They find what you are weak at and then use that to get what they want. So always be careful what you share at work!

Can humiliate others; sarcastic -

• I am sure everyone has seen this type of boss! I have been yelled at in front of my peers and treated with a sarcastic attitude.  I have taken so much and decided that I would become a mirror and reflect back to them what they did to me.  What did it do?  It caused them to shut up for a second, thank God, and calm their tone down.  Me, on the other end, am fuming and shaking! No one, I mean NO ONE, deserve to be treated with disrespect, humiliation and talked to in a sarcastic and condescending tone!  What does it do?  It makes the employee lose their self esteem and not be an effective worker.  Why is it so hard to be nice and build people up instead of tearing them down?

Justifies aggression: “You’ve got to take care of yourself” -

• So that is why you treat others with your aggression? You are looking out for you? This person is unstable and you must use caution!

Is boastful, brusque, belligerent -

• the 3 B’s make a very bossy boss!

Wants to be the leader in any group -

• It’s all about control people.

Avoids warmth-

• So do you ever try to get a smile out of your boss?  You might say something in a way of chit chat and instead of a human response of warmth; you are given the ice cold shoulder. Whoa there.  Maybe you should think twice about making your boss smile.  Maybe you’re the type of person that will continue to try and break the ice. If so, more power to you! Just be careful.

Does not recognize the impact of her acts -

• Talk about dual personality.  You really wonder if this person is in the right frame of mind.  Can they not remember how they just talked to you and now they want to sit with you to have lunch and talk about the kids? I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time skipping gears like that.

Sees others as puppets to be manipulated; is domineering -

• Let’s see what I can get them to do.  Do you have a boss that has you do work that isn’t part of your job description. What do you do?

They tend to have a chronic rudeness, sometimes a heckler.  They desire to force ideas on others and very aggressive if threatened.

This is just some of the bosses that I have decided to create but there is a site that has many more boss types and ways to get you on the right track.  The Big Bad Boss! I mean, you always have a choice.  Do you want to stay where you are at and cope or do you want to find another place of employment because your stress is getting in the way of your family life, your social life, your health?  You don’t have to be unhappy in your job.  I am a firm believer in this. The proof of my belief is in the job experiences that I can’t seem to fit on my resume.

I have had people ask me when I would just stick to one job.  Well, it took me finding Real Estate before I settled.  I have worked as a Bank Teller for 3 different Banks.  I was treated unfairly at one and decided to give my 2 week notice in hopes that they would give me the raise they said they would.  Nope, didn’t happen.  There were others who were willing to work for the lower price than what they were paying me.  The almighty dollar was what guided them in the employee they hired.  Whoever took the lowest amount wins!  Do you want to settle?  Some people feel they don’t have a choice to fight for the amount they feel their time and effort and experience is worth.

In this day and time with our national news letting the public know millions are being laid off and looking for jobs. Some news channels here in Nashville interviewing couples who can’t seem to find a job, it is easy for some bosses to take advantage of that fact!  Just like the gasoline prices, our fight for being treated fairly is happening all over again in the employment world.  We need to stand together and stand up for what is right. If we don’t we will be taken advantage of and be working our fingers to the bone for what? A low pay that you couldn’t negotiate higher because the next one to be interviewed would have taken it for that low price?

Do you have a big bad boss?  Which one do you have or have you had?

If not, you can count yourself among the small 3% that I call fortunate!

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1. Richard said at February 20th, 2009 at 1:27 am

   My name is Richard and I work at Wal*Mart now. I have pretty much all of the probablems that you have expressed on this web page. I wrote a letter and had about 20 fellow employees sign copies and turned them in to upper managment. Most of them were put under to much stress and either quit or got fired. I am still there and one or two of the others that signed the letter. Wal*Mart’s policys state that we are to be treated good and not like animals. And that there is an open door policy that you can take ANY concerns to upper managment without the worry of retrabution. The only open door policy they have is try not to let the door hit you in the butt when they fire you. Truth in the work place? Where is it? By, Richard

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